My story begins

These memories are for my children Frank Matthew, Philip Richard James, and Sharon Jean in memory of their mother Frances Shirley, and grandchildren, so far we have. In age order Carmen, Charlotte, Lauren, Yasmin and Ellie, Erin and Ashia,Maiya,Amelia and Isla , yes 10 and all girls, lucky Grandad.
This is also dedicated to my second wonderful wife June who given me so much love to me and my family, that i thank her for everything she has done to keep my family together.

Also my love to Toni-Marie, June's daughter, we do not use the word, step in our family, we treat them all as our children.

First i will add bits and pieces as i remember them.

The day i was born on Wednesday first of July 1953. Father Henry William mother Mary Ellen (maiden name Ryan). one of eight children Henry  Lawrence ( called Harry not Henry) only sister, Patricia Maureen, john Joseph,Trevor William,Richard Alan, Andrew George, Kevin Charles and lastly baby brother David Robert.

They never had incubators when i was a baby, so they put me in a biscuit tin and put me in the oven.When i was born they smacked me mother.

Born in a three bedroom house, yes at home a small rural town in Suffolk England, 70 miles from London.
a council estate , nobody had anything a car was out of the question , dad had a motorbike with sidecar, no telephones,no television, how the hell did we entertain themselves, perhaps thats why they had 8 children.
 Mother refused to go to hospital for any births as she had a rough time in southern Ireland when she was a small child, 24 Beatty Road Ipswich was the place i arrived into this world.

Twinned with bagdad. what a hole , but we didnt know any different, we were all poor, we could not afford tinsel for the christmas tree , we would get our grandad to sneeze on it,we never had a pot to piss in.

Mum and dad worked hard ,dad often worked 7 days a week at that time he was a painter and decorator.

The thing about my dad was just how much talent he had, He could play musical instruments ,(several), could not read a note of music, however he could play any tune by just listening,sometimes even once,(i remember the z cars theme) he played this on his accordion the first night this programme was on.

He played in a band called moonrakers, he could draw like an artist, he built his own motorcycles from parts from a scrapyard.Many a time on the first start things went wrong, he kick started a motorbike in a prefab (before i was born) went through the wall into the neighbors house.

I remember a time when he kick started a motorbike at 24, Beatty rd, it burst into flames off came his cap to put it out, should have been scared but laughed at i knew he would deal with it,then ran in case i got a smack round the ear, yes that discipline worked in our day.

Mum was Irish ,her maiden name was Mary Ellen Ryan ,she came from a small village in Tipperary, called Ardfinnan, she was one off 16 children,i never met my grand parents in Ireland,
mum  was only a little lady, but when she needed her Irish culture ,you knew what you were dealing with,she was always there for us.

When dad was ill,mum took us kids on the farms to pick fruit and vegetables, for extra money, potatoes, carrots peas, strawberrys, we left Ipswich on the back of an open lorry, dozens of mums and kids, Christ, today's health and safety officers would have a fit.we would pick all day get cash go home knackered.

Dad used to keep chickens in the back garden ,on special occasions, he would ring their necks pluck and gut them in the loo,and we would have it for dinner,one time he was in there and i was dying for a pee, i was only little so i done in the chicken coup, bloody horace bit the end of my willy, i was running round the garden crying ,mum said "what,s wrong ", well i could not tell her what i was doing,!!, i got over it They met whilst they served in the air force in world war two.I wonder what they may think of the UK in 2005,!!!.

We had respect for parents ,teachers and the police , you had to, or you would get punished.and i mean punished dad had a leather belt and used it on me, Christ that hurt,teachers would use anything , canes, sticks, table tennis bats, would throw things at you ,and one teacher would pinch the top of your ear and hair together  and pull you up till you promised to be good.

Anyway this house had three bedrooms no bathroom, toilet was out the back and bath time was big tub in the kitchen and their was 10 of us in there, mum dad and eight kids and a dog ,laddie.

Again the estate we grew up on was supposed to be rough and tough, but the community that existed then, every one looked out for each other , my mum often had neighbours in for tea and ham rolls (us kids never saw this quality ham ) and visa versa, and probably more important we kids had to behave our selfs on the street or these neighbours that did speak to each other ,and went to local social clubs together ,would tell our parents that we misbehaved, and a leather belt was used on me bloody hurt as well or just a plain smack   , i know i was that soldier.

Despite the lack of money , we did have some holidays ,in a caravan at clacton or great yarmouth, christmas was special.I suppose it was all relative, at that time, as always.

To earn extra money we kids knocked on doors for rags. paper or metal ,take them to suggeys on the duke street roundabout and get money in return,also go to the dump and collect empty bottle, take them back to the shop for the deposit, 3pence for glass bottles ,2 pence for plastic bottles,(domestos bleach)
Had several mates as kids. neville collie, paul smith,(smock) paul crisp, steven abbott, ady partridge, steve cunningham, most of us had one thing in common, FOOTBALL.

However like all kids we had our elders clothes handed down to us and these were sometimes already worn out before we got them, i used to go to school with the arse out of my shorts ,but unlike today,s kids ,this was excepted by everyone except the few posh kids, and if they took this piss i hit them.
Talking fighting  in our house all us boys had fights, punching screaming, it usually consisted of the eldest hitting the one under him, then him hitting the one under him , etc etc, only problem was the one elder than me was Trevor, and could that boy fight, many a time i got bashed ears and kicked up the ring piece.
we also pinched empty bottles from the back of the racecourse pub, took them into off sales and got penny back for the bottle, we did get found out, so they started to put marks on the bottles and  mark them off when they were returned, end of scam.

My biggest memory of a child was all us boys from the estate would meet of the recreation ground and play football ,every night , sometime we had 20 a side , this included some dads ,and after the park keeper called us of the ground, he locked the gates disappeared on his bike, we would climb over and continue playing.
Even men would come over they would play without trying to hurt us kids, sometimes 16 a side, 30 25 to one side, no one give a monkeys it was just a good game of football.

The kid that supplied the ball would always be, captain, and any goals that would have been disputed by any other kid,would be allowed for him in case he went home early  ad take the ball home.

These recreation grounds in 2005 have no gates or fences!!!!

We also joined the scouts ,the 22nd,queens way salvation army church hall, during the football season at least 15/20 scouts , outside the football season 5/10 scouts,wonder where we were. you've guessed it.

I was a little git at school ,i think i was bored,i know i could have achieved more ,but we were stereotyped ,based upon our school clothes and background, mind you i remember getting the cane many times,it made me behave my self ,until the next time anyway.

One time headmaster MR Brookes was fed up with giving me the cane ,(and yes i had tried to stick papers and magazines down me," trollies",to stop the pain , but always got caught out , thinking about as an adult the noise must have been different), he told me that he was going to ban me from football for the school team , i asked if i could have the cane instead, wow what a mistake , he knew from then on what would make me behave, and that became my achilles heal.
Other teachers would hit you or cane you if you misbehaved, mant times cane on the hand, it was funny when the teacher was about to cane your hand and you took it away just as it hit you,  that got you an extra stroke. one teacher hit you with his blackboard rubber he would throw it at you when you was not looking, he was a great shot. i have been hit by slippers ,table  tennis  bats, canes of all sizes, width rather than length, because the small thin ones hurt more than the big fat ones, dont believe it? swish it through the air , and listen.
I also believe in them days schools had apolicy especially in small rural towns, as Ipswich was then, (no major roads out of Suffolk, in fact in the 60s it took 4 hours to get to Peterborough, because you had to through every village and town until you got to the A1),(today it take 1 20 mins),to ensure we did not to bright as the were not enough clerical administration jobs. Ipswich was renowned for factories Rannsomes Sims Jefferies, making grass cutting equipment, Ransomes Rapier, cranes lifting equiptment, Cocksedges pipes and things, Cranes , valves and pipes etc, Alstons , wooden furniture, Compair Reavell engineering, and the docks as we called it then , its the port nowadays, Yes jobs for all but in a factory, not me never ever.
I remember on Nacton Road as i came out of school, hundreds of men on bikes or walking home, no facial features, knackered just walking or biking home, the next the same  and on and on.like a school of fish, eyes focusing on the road, peddling their bikes with no emotion on their faces, heading to wherever their house was.,for dinner , after dinnner and at tea time, day after day,i knew then even then i wanted something better, god i wished i had tried harder, no i didnt really it is not the past you can change, its tomorrow, next week, next year, whats done is done.

I left school in 1968 15 years of age, i got a job at a local garage Prentice Aircraft to be a parts salesman, this garage was very well known for its reputation of service , and from my training there .i maintained that the customer come first, and the success of this garage was due to customer focus. This served me later in life which i will come on to later.
I remember going to colchester college on a train to learn a parts salesman course in the motor trade, i once went on a motorbike, two years later on the date of the exam , i had a football cup final, guess which one i turned up to, yup the football final, think we won, i failed the exam.  


Also the football team that left in 1968 was strongly advised to stay together as we had been that good, so we did we became Murrayside football club, played in a full kit , never had that before only shirts, yup, shirts shorts and socks , orange and black for the record.
Ginger Cunningham , Steve Abbott, Chris Wilkinson , the Holmes brothers , Ady Partridge little me, i was a good goalkeeper at school , but the team was so good , i never got the ball, so i went into midfield.

During the next few years we won almost every league we were promoted to , and won three Suffolk cups, the Suffolk minor cup , Suffolk primary cup the following year, never been done before ,as we were still very young , and a couple of years later Suffolk junior cup. i also played on every football pitch in Ipswich including Ipswich Town Football Club under floodlights.

Then we started courting getting married and just growing up that murrayside was being infiltrated by ,"outsiders", "glory hunter,s" ,the team eventually dis banded.

At the age of 17 i got a driving license and my first car, a hillman minx MJA 250 , £35 from Prentice aircraft, brilliant car.
All i wanted to do was to drive, so i left the garage to drive a small lorry round east Anglia for a company called ,Eastern County Farmers , i loved it and for the first time in my life i had freedom.I could stop for lunch ,tea breaks when i wanted to, i could choose my route to go to my destination.The manager MR Downie was an absolute gentleman, a toff from the old school.
He even let me have his car for lunch time , a brand new ford,wow ,never been in a new car before.

At this time in 1969 i met a very special girl, her name was Frances Shirley Thorpe, and she had such a quiet,beautiful,feminine way about her that i for the very first time in my life ,fell in love.Frances also came from a large family , she had 4 sisters , and a brother the eldest Frank ,her mum and dad were Frank and Jean. She has a lovely voice with a little not lisp but some words would sound like that , quite unique and very cute, i think,) apart from her beautiful long hair ) that was the thing that captured my heart.

In 1971 frances and i were engaged , the party was held at a small pub on stoke bridge called ,the old bell,

My dad provided the entertainment, a big memory for me , dad in his cap , old roll up cigarette , between his lips, playing any song requested ,on his accordion.
we loved camping, went with sister anne and abbey, also visited Brightlingsea , almost every weekend as Frannys sister Jeanette let us sleep together.naughty in them days,

In 1974 we were married at Stoke Green baptist church my brother Andy was my best man, we had suits fitted same ones,think this was my first suit i had ever owned,and Frnny looked absolutely beautiful, i can still see her in her long white dress, veil nd when she lifted it ,two rosy cheeks and  gorgeopus smile, i was a very lucky boy.
Our  reception was in a small club house in Spring Road ,this no longer exists , it was next to the railway viaducts.
Cant remember to much of reception as i was taken back by everything on that day, we did have a professional photographer so the big day still exist on paper.

We bought a static mobile home  at Great Blakenham in 1973 for £1600 , when my wages were about £20 per week, but that was our first home and it was lovely,central heating by coal fire two bedrooms, bathroom ,kitchen diner.

We loved it.

I got a job driving in 1974, for National Carriers. a nationalised company delivering parcels from catalogues, 120 drops a day , but in 1974 you could leave parcels on peoples premises and they would still be there when they got home at night.
I remberer one day took this parcel to a ladys house in the middle of the countryside, she asked to wait, when she reappeared she had  a see through nightie and asked if i would like to see the catalogue, crikey i never moved so quick in my life, i ran to my van and sped off like a formula 1 race car.

The job was 7 days a weeks , 10 hours mon-friday, 5 hours sat and sunday, overtime rates in these days were brilliant, double time saturday , treble time sundays.
To improve my income i went to learn to drive 32 ton articulated lorries, i passed the test in 1974, so here was little me driving huge great lorries.
One job was to take a vehicle to Hollesley prison near woodbridge, to collect fruit and vegetables grown there, to take to london prisons, (fresh fruit and veg for prisoners).
i swapped  2 cigarettes for a bag of cabbages, or 1 fag for some potatoes, not bad.

In July 1975 we had our first child ,a son , Frank Matthew, healthy boy ,wow were we over the moon born at heath road hospital July 8th .We were blessed to have a strong healthy boy,We loved him to bits.

At that time we were living in a mobile home in great blakenham, this home cost us approx £1600.,i think my wages was about £25 per week, frances was working at a local cigarette company called churchmans,(later to become john player ) rolling cigar tobacco leaves earning about the same.

However we had to now live on just my wage and living about 8 miles from Ipswich a car was needed to take me to commercial road ,to drive my national carrier van.

my car was a Hillman imp.a small car completely made of aluminum.

In 1976 we were given an opportunity to have a local authority house, i arrived in my company van , Frances was unexpectedly there.

only 6 brand new houses were available the council man asked the families to look at the houses available and to report back which one we would like, i moved with everyone, turned back to see franny (as i called her) standing still , "come on".,this one will do,and we had all signed the  forms for this house before everyone came back.

So we moved back to Ipswich, good thing this time it was a lovely part of Ipswich,Rushmere.

It was expensive rent ,but truly we did not mind because we had moved to this area, we quickly made good friends with our neighbors.

Franny decided to find a part time job to help with the bills,fortunately she found a little job in an old folks home only one minute from our home,in sidegate avenue ,6 pm till 10pm.

I used to go to work at 07.30am till 17.30hrs, driving my van initially , delivering parcels, thenn come home, sort Frank out for bed , tidy up etc, until Franny came home 10.00 pm , i would then run over the george for a pint , the pub closed at 10.30pm . I became renound for going to the pub at 10.05, for 25 minutes, the pub closed at 10.30, people could tell the time from me,as i walked in they ordered their last drink. was it worth it, dont know but i loved that pint.

In may 1978 Ipswich Town football club won the fa cup, for a small club to win such a prize was wonderful for this town, I went to wembley first and only time what a day to see my team win what is one of the most famous trohpys in the uk.Franny attended a game this year with her dad,whilst she was pregnant with philip,west ham i think kevin beattie my football hero, scored one of the best goals i have seen..

In November 1978 along came Philp,Franny wanted to call him Philip James, but as i registered him i knew she would not have minded that i put Richard as one of his middle names, a baby brother for Frank , again all went very well . Again a wonderful child healthy and very much loved.However Frank was over three years old and his baby brother was not old enough to play with him.


Our children were all good babies , no tantrums no loss of regular sleep,and we were as solid as a family.

In 1981 as i had worked hard,, a job was advertised at national carriers for a sales manager, i applied for it,was asked to go to Birmingham for an interview with the national sales manager,Bernie Mason. I bought a cheap Suit, put me sandwiches in my pocket and headed to Birtmingham on the train for an interview. within 3 months i was given a secondment (trial)   and after a great success of winning a large customer i got the job, SALES MANAGER , for Norfolk And Suffolk.
Tink this must have been a real lucky year, Ipswich Town FC the small football team from a small town in the back and beyonds os suffolk , won the Eufa cup, teams like man utd, real madrid Barcenola, fc munich , some of the biggest clubs in europe entered this comprtition and we won it, and my baby girl was born, Sharon Jean , born on 28/02/1981 made our family complete.
So now married , 3 children and a job wher in meetings talking to managing director, chairman of companies distribtion directors, i spoke ,and for the first time in my life other respected my views, presentations,and won new business for Lynx , yup this boy from a council estate was making good.

At the end of 1981   i finished a second best .salesman in the entire country., and did not look back in my career until 1997, more on that later.

My boss was Peter Clark he was a good manager treated every the same and was not one to stab you in the back, if you done your job.I respected peter and still do, he was a great help to me,and from driving a lorry , leaving school without any qualification , i had a career.
I also found that if you worked with collar and tie , you had more respect from others, strange really i was still the same guy that drove a lorry.
over the years i made many friends and customers , people like Roy Savoury , Ian Hack, Peter Clark, Peter Gough, Mike Knight and his wife carole, Trudy messenger, Helen Bowden customer Like Peter Ray at Prolog Sudbury, a guy like me started in the warehouse and got promoted , unlike me though , he continued his hard earned rise up the laddeer and eventually became a director, well done mate.
Stanly Bird great yarmouth, David Curley Norwich.in fact most customers enjoyed my visits, and visa versa,
Richard Alan Procter sales manager covering Norfolk & Suffolk for a company turning over £100 million in  them days , wow, the boy that left school with a hole in my trousers.

Due to our careers, franny wanted to move into helping the older generation, we enjoyed a better standard of life, she enjoyed putting a smile on peoples faces.
In the first year i was national sales manager of the year runner up,me beating all other sales managers in the country.

So in 1984 we had a chance to buy our house, from the local council i did not want a mortgage,but Franny did big time,, i could see that taking this opportunity would benefit our lives in the longer term,i came round to the idea, and we went along with the purchase. It was a great feeling whilst i could see years of paying i know unlike rent the end result would be beneficial for when we got old.

I saw my mum and dad ,and frank and jean struggle to pay rent and council tax in their retirement because they had a little savings,whereas in this country if you are a save nothing and pay nothing ,you get help,how the hell do that work!!!!

We also was able to afford a costly holiday to butlins, we went as a family in our company car to skegness, we had a great time.A memory even today because we at this time it was something that was not affordable to everyone.

Wow , little old me with a company car and salary with expenses, we went to thetford forest in our ford cortina, mark 4,for a picnic.on the second day of my new job, i had the day off  this was the dat prince charles married princess diana ,and got paid,crikey if only my teachers could see me now!!!!

A few times possibly 3/4 times we would take granddad frank and grandmum jean,to hemsby for holidays, in my new new ford orion, grandad frank and i, in the front,oh and susie the dog, farnny ,jean ,frank,philip,and sharon ,in the back.

I rented a chalet from a customer of mine and this chalet was big enough for all of us, frank and i would go out on the first night to sus the local entertainment venues,funny really because we always finished at the only place to go,think embassy club?,over the years frank fell in love(emotional)with the bar maid, he even had a picture of her on his bedside table, jean thought it was really funny. god i loved them,they were such wonderful people.

Roof rack containing suitcases and bags for the week, the bottom of the car was almost touching the ground,these were care free holidays and and hold lots of wonderful memories for me a very good time was had by all.

Frank and Philip would be fishing within an hour of arriving, and i could not count the number of kites we would get through in this week.
Sharon was just a baby in them days , she loved watching her dad making a fool of himself in the club.
During the week we would travel all over Norfolk,great yarmouth was the childrens favorite,due to the sea side rides and slot machines,etc etc.
We went out most weekends , felixstowe, yarmouth, bourne park , christcurch park,
always visited mum dad thorpe, and while we were there we could get our shopping from a large coop on prince of wales drive, while the children were next door.
Frances took driveing lessons and eventually passed her test,

Over the few years with training my company provided, i got promotion to business manager, going into areas like Kent, London , Hertfordshire to find big companies and offering a transport solution.
i won salesman of the year, many times achieving new business way above expectations,and was thought of highly, by managers and directors.
Our life was getting better,Franny working ,me getting promotion and we went looking for abetter home.
The biggest reason for not movinf was the financial crash ,motgage rtaes up to 25%,it was a good job we never moved ad many had lost their homes because of this.

In 1989 a tragedy was to hit our family , frances had a stroke and passed away without any reason or prior knowledge, she was not ill, and this was something that i never thought could happen to us.

I received a phone call from the children asking were mum was, this was so unusual , i wondered what was wrong.

Quick phone calls to the family and no ,one had seen or heard from frances since 10.20am ,when jeanette her sister spoke to her, then i got a call saying mum had been found in the bedroom.

I arrived home in 10 minutes, police ambulance and neighbours not letting me go up the stairs in my own home.

within the next hour i was told that frances had been found in the bedroom and she had passed away.

what the hell do you do?? how the hell do you take that in, the woman i love ,gone, never to talk again, i could not even tell her i loved her, she had been taken away and i never saw her.
I was absolutely devastated ,i had a a tough upbringing but the pain i suffered over the next few years of grief , will stay with me forever, that little girl was a delight to be with and a wonderful women, why should that happen to her, unbelievable.

That night i put the children to bed and spent the next fourteen hours on my own ,no one to speak to no one to try to understand what had happened , was this true,why us , why frances ,we were just ordinary honest people,working hard ,doing the right thing, and this happened to me,

i am not going to go through the the next few months of this as it is to painful,  pain that you can never guess, grief like you cannot believe god i loved that lady , i had known her for twenty years, we had 3 children , we had our ups and downs, i cannot recall a big arguement, we had known each other from teenages, why i was chosen to lose a girl like this  i will never ever understand, i loved Frances and always will,she was a wonderful person and a very loving mother, and will always be grateful for giving me the three most wonderful things in my life our children.

I loved that girl, and for her children your mum loved you very much, she was a pretty lady about 5ft.5in, loved her music particularly Roy Orbison, we had seen him three/four times and on one occasion at Ipswich regent she met him ,spoke to him and got his autograph.

Like the rest of us , she worked hard for the family,and gave me the reason,s to ensure the family stayed together.

So where do you go now. a heartbroken man three kids trying to cope with the loss of your wife friend mother, all i can say at this moment in time is thank god for family, without the help and support of frannys sisters,big brother johnny,(i will always remember this man with love and and affection)and parents, mainly at this time , frank and jean,Frannys mum and dad,
i remember going to social security explaining my situation, i needed to give up work to be home for the children, only to be told the system was not designed for men weith children ,only women, and thati would be entitiled to £60 per week, christ i nearl;y spent that on food in 1989.so it was back to work i had no choice.

Frank and Jean special people that i loved from the bottom of my heart,they were there for everything, nothing was to much trouble.

During the next few months i remembered that franny and i, touched on, that if anything was to happen to us, our children would never ever go to foster parents or children homes.and they did not,no bloody way.

I now feel proud that i kept the children in their home, at school and i kept my job,they were good children never giving me any problems that we could not sort out together. And they will never know how much i loved them ,and what i did to keep them ,in their own home.
Carrying so much grief ,i wanted to finish my job,stay home with the children,i visited social services and citizens advice ,the system was not for me, an ordinary english guy going through a tough time.I was offered sweet fanny adams, and throughout my time on my own not one, doctor, teacher, social service carer called me,or any help was on offer, time time again people tell me that this country do not help people that help themselves, just the one,s that know how to work the system. i found this out for myself big time.

I want to thank franny for 20 years friendship,love and thank you for my wonderful  children ,you will always be remembered fondly with very much love, always and forever,sleep tight beautiful,i promise i will stand by our children for all my life , i wont let you down.EVER


Lynx express the company i worked for the directors and managers were also fantastic ,and i needed to keep my job for obvious reasons and not once did i feel threatened despite my lack of attendance and energy in the following months.
Many work mate were  fantastic to me at this time and its nice to know taht there are more good people  in this world.Peter Clark was my manager but he became a freind to me, helping me with legal stuff and indeed work issue,s thanks mate.
His boss Glen Hodgson was not liked by many of us salesman as he was a tyrant, but even he was fantastic to me.And a certain Peter Gough wonderful man ,funny man taught lots about life,thanks Pete.
I remained at Lynx another 8 years after i lost Franny, during that time i kept the children at school, kept my house, did most of the washing, ironing, shopping, cleaning, and obviuosly kept my job.Franny dad Frank was brilliant, her came up twice a week on his bike , a good 5 mile journe , to hoover and polish , wonderful man.
Neighbours like Margaret Powell , helped  me big time with house and children , she was a star ,thank you. xx
How the hell did i keep my job, i am always asked, even to this day, i have no answer , i dont know, love  for Franny, love for my kids, probably, i also know that Franny and i had talked about her life and  as a child and due to her mothers ill health when Franny  was a child, she was put into , care homes , and foster parents,and after some of her recollections, no way was that going to happen to our kids. And i know the love i had from my children kept us going in those early days of losing mum.
I hope one day my children will accept that they could have been fostered or children home,and the experience of their mum  stopped that ever happening.
So i had to get on with life, no choice 3 kids, we had our up and downs like all families but we still went on holidays, had lovely birthday presents, went seaside or country most weekends, and wonderful christmas together.
i have lost many memories , i am sure they will come back one day, i do know we had a great deal going for us , we had lots of family days out, fanily holidays brilliant xmas , birthdays, and i know i was loved,and i loved frances, some people dont get that much love in all their lives , i got that for  20 years,
So i go back to work, to Lynx express , where everyone from managing director, directors, managers and all staff, welcome me back and give me support, to get back to real life.
I dont remember much  about going back, people coming  to speak to me, i could not go through my exterience with anyone., including some close friends, i was still in shock, and its funny i was at work and had to depend on others looking after my children, the feeling of sickness was constantly with me , probably for years.
over the years at lynx i was a very successful salesman, i constantly achieved my targets, and was a mentor and trainer for new and established salesman.i believe the reason for my success was my integrity,and that i had done the job from the bottom up, i started the company as a driver learned that, got my heavy goods licence , 32 tonn artics lorries, night work, before i became a salesman, potential customer would accept my knowledge my experience and would trust me.
I had seen many university educated  managers try sales , but many failed along the way, you cannot be trained to sell, its natural.
Every two years i would get a brand new car, but these  to me were just material , after losing Frances, i dont know, (i mean i had never had anything new and i never ever  dreamed of having a brand new spanking car from the factory) i would have given everything up, house car job, just to have my life with the family as it was, (i feel sick writing this now it still hurt all these years on).
A weird thing also hit me sometime in 1991/2 some family had had an accident on a motorway, and  both parents were killed one child, leaving one more on his/her own, i dont know but something hit me to say, their is always someone worse off than yourself,  it dont make you feel better, just that others suffered, i was not alone.
I was also blessed with three wonderful children , i accept that franny and i gave them time, when they were young and we had ,holidays,days out, upo the park ,felixstowe, great yarmouth, etc  love, but from my view they never were a pain , like us, they just got on with their lives, worked hard at school, and without their inspiration , i would have found it difficult to cope with the job, housework, shopping, paying bills, cooking iroing.etc etc etc
In fact as i was mum and dad now, they called me mad, (not mad because i was daft) but mau dad mixed together "mad".
i did meet a lady 4 years on , but that never worked out, and i found it easier to look after my children by myself.
After that relationship  i decided on going back to referee football, i went to the gym, swimming , crikey i was like a fitness machine, beer belly gone, muscles appearing where i never had them before, but i still enjoyed my pint beer, habit i suppose.
September 12TH 1994 at exactly 11.45 , i smoked my last cigarette, i had been up to 60/80 cigarettes a day, but one night my chest felt and sounded like a squeeze box, wheezing away, i thought i was selfish to my health, if anything happened to me, my children would not have anyone, so that was it , for ever, smoking gone. best thing that could have happened, i used to stink of fags, my car used to smell, house, i was like a walking ashtray.
The next day the branch manager of Lynx was taken ill in hertfordshire, i took his wife jan to see him in hospital, luckily he was let out in a few days, but he also gave up smoking, that helped me, as we often spend time together smoking in meetings,we helped each other, think the chancellor was concerned as we gave up 100/120 cigarettes a day between us, and to this day never inhaled another puff of smoke.
Peter Gough remained a personal friend  until 2009 when sadly he passed away, hopefully as my blog continue i may well remember some happy times we had, and there was many, he was a very funny human being.
Another messacefrom an Ex Lynx Employee was  received in 2011,  From Trudy Mcgavey, It was Trudy Messenger at my time at lynx, Trudy was crazy, came to work each week with different coloured hair, Red ,Blue, Blonde,when i say crazy , i mean crazy, she called a spade a spade and never ever was concerned with the consequences.
Trudy was the person that looked after me, making business appointments with potential customes and keeping existing customers sweet.She wrote on my facebook the following, it did bring a tear to my eyes, but it is really sweet that i was remembered with kindness.Frank is my eldest son.
This is the year 2011, can you believe it Richard Procter, that's Procter with an 'E'. I have NEVER forgot you and all the years of hard work we put in at National Carriers/Roadline and Lynx Express. The fun, the crazyness, heartache, tears and laughter. Looking back, there could have been a soap opera made with some of the funny characters couldn't there? I often reflect on days gone by and there have been very bad times in my life, particularly having 2 children who have learning difficulties. When Alice was born with Downs syndrome in 1998 I had a severe breakdown and you know it was remembering the old days, you, Peter Clark, (without an e) Gladys Powell. Mike Knight,Roy Savoury, John Colius, Brian Smith,Roy Luff, Gabriel Dennis  and some of the times like Gladys always putting 'Cadburys Dairy Milk' on your post instead of TDM. The visits to Muswell Hill and Kings Cross, Birmingham - oh the list goes on. A friend of mine had befriended a Frank Procter on here and I thought that's Procter with an 'E' I wonder if it's the Frank I remember? so I clicked on his profile and YES! BINGO! and there youTears filled my eyes and I hoped you accepted my friends request. I can see how beautiful your family are and how they have grown. YOU, however, don't look any different than when I last saw you nearly 20 years ago. My Bobbie is 20 in August! And look at little Sharon, in her wedding photos - Oh I did shed a tear. That dear little girl, how she has grown into such a beautiful woman - the image of Franny. It is lovely to be back in touch with old friends. I am friends with Helen too - I am sure she would love to hear from you. Keep in touch Richard. It was a treat to find you again. Give my love to all your beautiful children, if they remember me that is lol. Love Trudy xxxxxxx
I once asked Gabrielle why HE was named Gabriel, he told me when he was born , the doctors did not give him long to live,so he,s parents called in a vicar to give him his calling to God, when asked his name his parents said due to all the difficult time they were going through, they had not got a name ready.
The vicar explained that in the holy year that day was St Gabrielles day, and that name seemed appropiate, they agreed, so he lived and was stuck with it.
He did smile when i remarked that it was a good job it was not Pancake day!!!!

Yes looking back it was fantastic that i had a great job with agreat company , a real family feel from employees, to Managers to Directors,without their support at the most difficult time in my life, i would not have got through them years.
So after Lynx express a new chapter at work began, i got a job in a franchise called ANC express,
April 1997, business development manager at ANC express, Great Blakenham, my experience within the distribution service served me well, I had only been working for 4 weeks when I won an account worth £100k pa, Cowells Arrow Bingo, sending bingo tickets around the uk, I was looked upon with great respect from then .
Andrew  Gay was the managing director along with Sean Plaskitt operations manager, we all got along very well, the business was brand new and needed some sales pretty damn quick, as it happen Lynx had relocated to Norfolk and their customer were not happy with this, so when i popped into seeing them , they were very grateful that a new local business along with an honest well known salesman , I was  winning new business was easy, my new boss thought i was a star,well i let him think that anyway.
The working enviroment was completely different that i was used to, working for a huge organisation , (a corporate) my daily/weekly/monthly  paperwork was never ending, almost had to report when you had farted.
The business i now worked for was a franchise, i reported to Andy weekly by discussion, new business, customer service issues, needs wants etc , that was it, i was free of paperwork for the first time in 16 years.
Once again despite a new job with new people ,i was given respect, people looked up to me,accepted my views and was asked on how we could imrove the business.
I liked working for this company friendly people and a few months later my world was about to change.
As part of my live I had taken up football refereeing ,swimming twice a week and went to the gym, I met a new woman, on a football pitch,June and  my life was  about to change somewhat.
I met June in 1997 somehow we just became soul mates, we just got on so well and from day one we just wanted to be together.
At this time my children were growing up,and i was immensely proud of the way they were turning into well adjusted polite adults.
Dont know why but i felt so comfortable with June within months i asked her to move in with me and she agreed.
At this time Frank had moved into his girlfriends house,and Ruth had a baby Carmen, Sharon was with her boyfriend and lived with his parents, Philip was still living at home.